My name is Loren and I am a 28 year old girl living in a small town near Chicago, IL. It’s been a while now, so I don’t exactly remember how I found Liz's blog, but I am so happy I did. I love reading about her journey and about weekends! I think she is so inspirational and for going through so much, her attitude towards life is incredible and her blog posts often leave me wishing we were friends in real life.
When I read about project #BeFearless, I just felt that I had to participate. I believe that I am a true example of “If I can do it, you can do it” and I have often been told that my “story” is motivational, which is the most meaningful compliment to me. After all, I’m just an average girl!
When I was 23 years old, I was living back at home with my parents after college, and dating a guy who I thought was the most amazing person in the world. It was my first relationship where I felt he could be ‘the one’. We blended our friends and always had a great time, we stayed out all hours in downtown Chicago dancing and drinking, I felt as though there was never a dull moment. We were always talking and texting each other and making plans for the next weekend.
There were, however, a few red flags I either ignored or thought would change as time went on. He never wanted me to meet his parents or him meet mine. He talked down on marriage and settling down. When he would refer to the future, he made it seem like I was never in it. At the time, I probably assumed it was too soon for those things and we were just too young. What was really going on is that he wasn’t taking things as serious as I was, and was seeing another girl on the side.
It didn’t take much to figure out what was really going on. I was friends with most of his friends, who all took pictures and posted them to Facebook on the weekends. I started discovering little nuances in his stories when we did talk, which was becoming less frequent. I could hear the lies but I still didn’t want to believe them. My friends were telling me the signs were all there and I should walk away.
Truth was, the girl he had started seeing was Beautiful. So gorgeous. She was petite with long red hair, bright green eyes, and looked like the life of the party in every picture. There were so many comments on all her pictures from people telling her how beautiful she was. I obsessively began checking facebook, looking for more pictures, comparing myself (I didn’t compare, lets be honest!) and asking him straight out what his feelings were for this girl.
The night we had our “closing conversation” I was heartbroken. He tried to belittle my feelings, tell me that we were never serious, and lied again about his “friendship” with the redhead. I felt consumed by the drama our relationship had turned into. I couldn’t sleep, eat, and had constant migraines. It was summer time, so suddenly I found myself with a lot of free time, beautiful long evenings, and no one to spend them with.
One night, I was still feeling so much pent up anger. I had always been good about going to the gym, but this night I needed something more. I put on my gym shoes and I went out for a run. It wasn’t anything special, I didn’t wear any sort of device to track my speed or distance, and I didn’t even wear headphones. I just wanted to think, get the negative thoughts out of my head, and leave them out. For good. I felt my speed pick up and I literally felt a burst in my brain. When I returned home, dripping with sweat, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I later realized I had experienced the elusive “runners high”.
I started off slowly, but soon enough, I was looking forward to my evening runs through my neighborhood. I noticed I was happier, my muscles started showing through my skin and I looked less “puffy”, I was making better diet choices simply because I just wanted to feel good. This continued for weeks, and I decided I was ready for a long distance run. My parents, my family, my friends all thought I was crazy and didn’t think I had enough running experience to start racing. Despite the concerns, I signed up for a half marathon that occurred in the fall, so I spent the rest of the summer training myself. Through out the process, I never considered myself a runner. I never stuck to a rigid schedule. I did a lot of runs on the treadmill, and I was never consistent about what time of the day I would train. My gear was also lacking, and looking back I know I was severely under trained for a 13.1 mile run.
I showed up in downtown Chicago at the crack of dawn for race day, all by myself, absolutely clueless and terrified. I wore a cotton tee shirt and shorts, shoved a twenty-dollar bill into my shoe in case I lost my gear at gear check, and lined up in pouring rain, semi ready to run.
Truth be told, it was a horrible race. I was moving so slow, drenched from the rain, my cotton shorts chafing the inside of my thighs that only stung worse with every step. I just remember wanting it to be over. I told myself I wasn’t cut out for this kind of distance. When I saw the finish line, I couldn’t even sprint towards it. I was absolutely spent and had zero energy. I very much remember thinking, “If this was a full marathon, this is only half way. Maybe someday…no. No. No.” I crossed the line and finished in 2 hours 40 minutes. I received my finisher’s medal, and went home, feeling on top of the world despite my not so stellar performance, and secretly wondering if I had the guts to try it again.
I have read before and think it’s very true that you can’t just run one race. Something about long distance running changes you. Your curiosity gets the best of you, you find yourself wondering how you can beat your time, or if you are capable of a longer distance. If you want it bad enough, absolutely anything is possible.
To date, I am a three time marathoner, six time half marathoner. Each run has gotten better and better, my best half marathon is 2 hours 20 minutes and my best marathon is 5 hours 28 minutes. I am scheduled to run three more half marathons before the end of the year, and I am also signed up to run the 2014 Chicago Marathon this fall. That being said, I am most proud that I am a Walt Disney World Goofy Challenge 2014 Finisher, having completed a half marathon Saturday January 11, 2014 and then a full marathon the next day January 12, 2014, for a total of 39.3 miles in one weekend.
If you’re looking at my race times and doing the math, yes, I am a slow runner. I do not define myself by my speed, but my determination to do what I say I’m going to do. My training runs have been 3+ hours long. I wake up long before sunrise, sacrifice nights out with friends, and refuse to do anything careless that could result in hurting my ability to participate in races.
If I can do it, anyone can do it! It takes a lot of determination, will power and standing up to all the naysayers, but it is possible! If I ever have a bad day or if I am upset by something someone says to me, I remember what I am capable of, and that I had the courage to get to the starting line in the first place. To do something most people fear. To look back and think that I did something considered “impossible”. I’ll never quit running, and one day I’d like to run the elusive Boston Marathon, even if it takes until I’m 80 years old and can finally qualify.
Although I started running to try to put negative thoughts about a boy behind me, I don’t give him any credit. It all came from within myself. Running will always have the number one place in my heart. I will always feel most like myself while out for a long run. Its what I feel I was put on this earth for.
Story by: Loren Marsh
